I think it would be safe to say that MY #1 goal is to be released from this prison of weight, and to move forward to my next place, a land where I am free from the burden and shame of being overweight, and am at peace, and living a full life. In my mind, that place includes being in a normal weight range, and having regular health behaviors.
However, I am realizing I often become discouraged because my focus is on the part that I really can’t control: the weight loss. Yes, I can contribute to it, or help facilitate it by my health behaviors, but overall, I cannot make my body release the weight. That is God’s choice and doing ONLY.
So, where does that leave me? In the past few days, God has been showing me my HEART. And in it, I still believe that if the scale says I’m ok, then that means I AM OK. The scale has become my validation. I recently had 2 weeks where I was able to lose a lot of weight rapidly. It was exhilarating. I was so happy, feeling like I was about to arrive to my destination sooner than I originally believed. However, I also noticed that I started to make accommodations for certain behaviors (e.g., pizza more often, dessert more often) because I thought it did not matter any longer. The scale was moving. And friends, THAT was all that mattered to me.
God was not going to let those behaviors go without addressing them. About 2-3 weeks in, the scale stopped moving as quickly, and God took the time to show me why—my heart is still in bondage. (Sigh). Oh, how dismayed I was to learn that! More, because I knew that my rapid weight loss would be ending, and I feared I would never make it to the end. But, the way I was acting, I wasn’t moving toward freedom. Just bondage to a different master—the scale.
I can see more clearly now—the need to be wholehearted in my weight loss. What is that? I am serving God with fervency, right where I am, not letting the requirement for my health behaviors and actions be that I am losing weight. No, I have ENOUGH reasons right now to worship God, and I am seeing that one part of my worship are the health behaviors that I choose to engage.
Here are three verses that describe what God says about actions and hearts toward him:
“As for you…serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind; for the LORD searches all hearts, and understands every intent of the thoughts”. 1 Chronicles 6:38
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Mark 12:30
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is true worship.” Romans 12:1
When I read these verses, I am reminded of my posture, and the place where my heart needs to reside. My true worship is the LEAST I can give my God for all the He has done thus far. My worship is my health behaviors and choices, no matter if God allows me to experience all the weight loss I would desire. This worship is where I will be transformed, and where I will experience freedom.
I have lost 24 pounds. Wow!! God, be praised. I am healthy, whole, safe, and have experienced more blessings than I deserve. My worship is my gift to God. I will seek God first (Matthew 6:33), and trust that in time, he will decide the things that need to be added (or lost) unto me. I will keep moving forward, and I hope you will too. Be encouraged, friends.