So, I’m here again.  Yes, writing another entry about weight loss.  I really thought I was done with these entries, but somehow, we’re back.  (sigh).

For the past few months, I have seen the scale go up, and I have not seen the weight come off.  Not that I haven’t been trying.  I’ve been working out, trying to eat better, you know . . .But, No. Nothing.  Its gotten so bad that I have stopped weighing myself. What’s the point of doing that, when I know nothing is going to change?  Its just a mood killer.

Today, in a rare moment of clarity, I realized I need to be better.  Eat better regularly– not because of what is happening on the scale, but just because I know better.  I know what I need to eat.  But, my endless struggle, is having the motivation to do so – outside of the results on the scale. If the numbers on the scale are not in my favor, I tighten it up nutritionally.  If things are looking good, then I give myself permission to be a little more relaxed.  Good strategy, right?

No. no. no. Not for someone who has a history of weight issues, and wants to achieve permanent weight loss. No. There has to come a point where it is about more than just the number on the scale.  I don’t know if I’ll truly remain free if I continue to base all of my decisions on what the number on the scale says.

There has to come a time when I am able to be mature enough to eat the things that I need to eat regularly.  Period.  On purpose.  Not with any stipulations or exemptions.  I just need to eat right.

Man, its funny.  When I had my son, the lesson was about physical activity.  And now, I’m learning about my nutrition.  So tired of these lessons.  I promise – one day I’ll get it right.