You know one thing I have been realizing recently – I eat far too often. My problem used to be that I ate too much, and for all the wrong reasons. I used to eat when I was bored, happy, frustrated, stressed – basically just because I existed and food was around, lol. Or I would regularly eat past full and just consume all the food because it was on the plate. In the past 5-10 years, however, God has helped me break that habit and I typically only consume food when I’m hungry. Typically 🙂
Well, my recent weight loss attempts have been largely unsuccessful. If I think of the sum total of my weight loss since Matthias was born, I really haven’t lost anything. Sigh. I’ve learned quite a bit though. My recent revelation is that I eat too many times during the day. Anytime I think I feel a hunger pain, I’m up and filling my mouth with food. Any time. It’s almost like I can’t stand to even think I’m going to feel hungry. In my prayers, God has been impressing upon me to really consider how often I’m consuming snacks during the day. Some pretzels here, a granola bar there, a piece of fruit, popcorn – I consume lots of food outside of my regular eating times. It doesn’t feel like lots, but I think that it is. I just can’t stand to be uncomfortable and I think I fear feeling too hungry.
The old Rachel used to eat half of her food at bigger meals, and save the rest for later. Do I do that now? Nope, not after the baby. I feel so much hungrier than I used to be; it seems like I need more food to satisfy my appetite. Maybe I’ve just grown more uncomfortable with letting periods of discomfort linger. I really struggle with the period before true hunger hits. I know I’m getting there [to true hunger], but I also know that I’m not fully hungry yet. It almost feels like my body is preparing to give me the hunger signal. I can’t stand that period, and more often than not, I will usually eat something.This happened a lot when I was pregnant. I was “hungry” all the time. I remember eating often. It became overwhelming. I found myself having to consume food often – more than I was used to. I wonder if that behavior pattern is still with me. Hmm.
Well, since I started praying about this thing more, God has been helping me do better. I see it more clearly now, and I’ve been trying to leave more food on the plate and wait until I feel a true hunger pain before I eat. I really want to lose 10 pounds before June. I know its not supposed to be about the weight, but I’m just keeping it real – it is. I’m growing though. Struggling through this and even if I don’t lose 10 pounds by June 1, I believe I’ll be closer to the place I need to be so that I start losing the weight. I’ll keep you updated 🙂