I am here again. Yet another blog entry about my relationship with pizza. In case this is your first time reading, I will provide a brief refresher: I love pizza. I’m trying not to love it too much, and I have struggled with recurrent times where it becomes a little bit much, especially when I was pregnant (e.g. eating it twice per day type stuff). I’ve taken steps to gain control over my pizza intake; most recently, I decided to only order it “out” once per month, and make it at home any other time I was in the mood. Things have been better, but I can definitely still say” I still got love for you pizzaJ.”
Today’s entry will focus on the events that occurred two days ago. Money has been tight over here for several months. But, on Friday, we received a good payday. The first thing that came to mind (as it usual for me) is how fast I can order pizza. Yup. Not what I can buy or what bills can finally be paid. Nope, just pizza. I love the simple things ;). So, since my husband and I were both working at home on Friday and we didn’t have much to choose from for lunch, I decided to order pizza. Whoohoo!
When the pizza arrived, it smelled so good and looked just like I hoped. We found a new pizza chain a week ago (the last time we ordered pizza, lol), and I was excited to try them again. I eat the pizza (probably too fast) and enjoy my 5-10 minutes basking in pizza heaven. I did overeat a bit (should have been paying more attention), and I noticed that my stomach started to hurt. The pain wasn’t horrible, but I definitely knew my body was responding to the pizza. Maybe it was the grease? Or maybe the cheese and pepperoni? I couldn’t be exact, but something was definitely wrong. My stomach hurt (slightly) for the next 2-3 hours.
At dinner time, we had enough leftovers so that we could have pizza again. Guess what I do? Yup, you know it. I had it again. Even though I knew I was going to make my stomach hurt. I didn’t care. The pain was worth it. I just wanted some pizza. Sigh. Jesus. Help your daughter.
I was so embarrassed after I ate it again – and my stomach started to hurt. AGAIN. I couldn’t even say anything. What was I going to do? Ask God to help my stomach, despite how I already knew what my actions would do? Nope. At that moment, I didn’t even want to know what God was going to say. I sure didn’t feel like talking about it.
Eventually, I did talk to God about it, and I still didn’t really have much to say. Why? I still don’t really know. I just love pizza. But I don’t need to love it that much and this is just further reminder that I need to keep myself vigilant. On guard. I probably need to go back to having pizza twice per month. It was better that way. Its almost like I get weak with too much of it in my presence. Oh Lord. Pizza? Yes, for me – its all about the pizza.
But my goal is to not have anything control me, and to be growing in my love for God – rather than food. I lost this Friday. But, I’m going to press forward, and use this passage (Philippians 3: 12-16) for encouragement:
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.”
I’m moving forward. Can’t spend too much time in the past and dealing with my food losses. My Truth: I love pizza. The events of last weekend are another reminder. But, as I press on, I’m trying to downgrade that love to really like and am trusting that God will help me as I move on towards knowing and loving him. Prayers for you all.